Only a Dream
by Alice
Summary: David makes a deal with Crayak.


Part One  
  
  


NOOOOOO! I screamed in my head. NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! I screamed, in the muddy, endless dark. I ran around, unable to see anything with my pathetic rat eyes, bumping blindly into rocks and other objects. I fell down off something, and I fell through the air for what felt like a million miles. Then I impacted with the ground. It knocked the wind out of me. I struggled to recover, and got back onto my rat feet. Come back!!! Please come back!!!! I'm sorry!! I'm sorry! I swear it! I screamed as loud as I could. My screaming ceased. I shook with shock. I knew they were gone. I'd been abandoned. I was going to be forgotten. I'd be alone for the rest of my life. I was gone.   


I sat up like a gopher, and sniffed the air. I listened. I couldn't see a thing, but I heard the ocean waves splashing, and the wind whistling through trees or maybe tall rocks. I heard other small, scurrying sounds, just like those of other rats. My rat nose could clearly smell the ocean, and I also discovered the stink of rotting plants and animals. It disgusted me, but the rat in me wanted to go to eat the rotting plants and animals.  


I was trapped. Trapped as a rat. Forever!!! I thought I would die. I wanted to die. They- the Animorphs had dumped me on an small, miserable, island. I knew that wherever I was on- it was far, far, from the shore. There were probably other rats too, those scurrying sounds I'd heard probably came from them. I would never see my parents. I would never sleep in a normal bed. I would never eat regular human food or watch TV. My life was gone. My human life- my true life was gone. The Animorphs had stolen it! They had no right to do this!   


I knew I was David.. I was still here. Even if I was trapped, as a rat, and trapped on a desolate island, I was still alive. At least that was still there, still there to hang on. If I ever got off this island, I would truly get back at them, in the worst way possible. I'd get revenge. I wouldn't let them get away with what they had done to me. Death would have been worse. But to be a rat for the rest of your life? A RAT?! I wanted to scream, to find the Animorphs, hunt them down, torture them, kill them.  


I tried to remember how this had all started. A week ago? Less than a week? More than a week? I wasn't sure. But I did know it all started when I found the bloody blue box.  


I cursed at a world that could not hear me. The only creatures that did hear my cries were other rats, birds that came around. But my words were irrevelant to them. They meant nothing to them, simple wild animals with nothing to care about. I screamed and screamed and screamed. Sometimes, I begged, pleaded, said I was sorry. But then I'd change my mind and I'd curse and yell into the darkness of the night. The darkness. I was scared. I couldn't see anything. A rat. A RAT! Why had they trapped me as a rat?   


I blinked. My heart was pounding madly, and driven with fear, desperation, and the horror of being trapped as a rat for the rest of my life- I screamed one more time. I screamed with all of my mind, all of my heart. But a feeling of total doom, a total state of helplessness, a terrible feeling surged up in me.   
I was doomed.  
I would be trapped as a rat for the rest of my life.  
I would never see another human being.  
They would never come back to get me.  
I had been abandoned.  
Forever.  
Forever and ever and ever.  
Escape was impossible.  
They had made sure of that.  
  


I was trapped as a rat, trapped on an island, trapped.. trapped.. I was scared. So scared. I didn't want to accept anything that was happening.   


I was confused. Why did they trap me? THEY TRAPPED ME AS A FREAKING RAT!!!  


But... I was still alive. At least that was still there, still there to hang on...but..I...I would be trapped as a rat for the rest of my life. I would never see another human being. They would never come back to get me. I had been abandoned. Wasn't that worse than death?  


Forever. Forever and ever and ever. Escape was impossible. They had made sure of that.   


Nooo!!! I screamed, pushing into the wind blowing from the sea. I screamed, begged, cried for what was eternity. NOOOOOOOOO!  


Finally, for what seemed like an impossibly long time, I stopped. I became silent for the moment. I replayed in my mind what had happened before this, and for a tiny moment, I thought, "What had I done was wrong?" And I almost said, "Yes."  


But-no-the answer wasn't yes. They had taken my life! The Animorphs had commited the wrongdoing! I was the one who'd been wronged!  


I shut my mind off from that tiny thought, the thought of my having been wrong, and let the cloud of anger take over my mind.   


But even though I kept thinking that, I knew there wasn't really a chance I'd ever escape. I would die as a rat. I would be on this island for the rest of my life. For the rest of my _short_ I would live on this island, die on it. I could only hope that this island would keep me alive for at least a few years. Maybe less than that. Then I'd die, and I wouldn't have to live in this body anymore.   

    
     It was unhuman-what they had done to me.  
    
    

So if I ever got off this place, I'd get revenge. If I ever got off.   


Time passed painfully slow the first, awful night. I was in a total state of shock-I was helpless, hungry, shivering, in shock. The rain was pouring. I could hear the waves crashing on the rocks near me- I considered suicide. I almost threw myself off those rocks to prevent what would be a life of despair.  


But something kept me from doing that. It kept me alive. A little voice told me not to. It said that as long as I was alive, there was still a chance of getting back at the Animorphs. A chance at becoming human again. I know that sounds corny, a little voice that acts as my conscience.  


"Dad! No!" I was screaming. I was back in my human body! But-what? How? I looked around, and I was back in my old room. The monstrous seven-feet Hork-bajir were dragging my father away. I ran to him, trying to reach out to him, and he reached his hand out to me, with pleading eyes. One of the Hork-Bajir slashed his wrist blade at my dad.  


"No!" I screamed. Bright red blood spattered the walls. My father's blood. I started to scream.  


NOOOO!!! I woke up. What? I had been dreaming. My dad.. I missed him so much.  


Oh, god. Dad.... I cried bitterly, sobbing. I wanted my mother and my father back. This was destroying me, ripping my heart and my mind apart. The pain would never leave me for the rest of my life. I started asking myself questions. I had actually fallen asleep? I was able to percieve arriving daylight. When I turned one eye out to the ocean and the other into the island, I could see the sun rising. As daylight came, so did some hope. My spirits lifted..but not very much.  


I moved my rat head around, being able to see my surroundings, and finally moved from my position to which I had remained frozen all night. My muscles were stiff, and they ached. My rat eyes were nowhere near as good as my human, and no match for eagle eyes of course, but they would do. Things that were distant were blurs. I could see up close. My hearing was good, better than human ears, but the sense of smell was incredible. I could smell everything around me. Like that made me feel any better.  


There was a pinching feeling in body. I had been so angry that I hadn't paid any attention to it, but now I was worn out, my brain numbed with thoughts of cold feelings, my fear dulled, and I realized I was starving. I was hungry. I had to find some food.  


There was nothing more than anything else, I wanted to be human. Even for just five seconds, and I could see what I could use on this island. How big was it? What else was on it? What was eatable? I hoped I could dredge up something edible to eat.  


I walked around aimlessly, my pink nose sniffing for anything, my mind distracted, preoccupied. I couldn't take my mind off the Animorphs. I couldn't. I was angry. I wanted revenge.   


I gazed towards the sky. The big, blue, seemingly endless sky. I knew it wasn't. Somewhere, up there, lurked a Yeerk ship. Where, possibly, my parents were. And somewhere, over the horizon, lurked the Animorphs. Still there. I was still alive. Maybe I could get revenge.. somehow.   


No, David, I muttered in disgust. It's.. not worth it.. 

My next thought was: What do I do?  


I soon got over the immediate terror of being forever trapped as a rat. I ambled along, and suddenly, I caught a whiff of something.  


A dead fish. I had wandered onto a sandy beach. There was a dead fish close, and I could smell it, strongly. EAT IT! was my first thought. I reacted in disgust, but the rat instincts were stronger than my disgust.  


Before I knew it, I was eating away at the dead fish with flies crawling on it. The fish was practically a seething black mass of flesh. Which I really wanted to eat, but didn't.  


I pulled away, finally. No! I gasped in horror. But my instincts.. no.. the rat's instincts cried, Yes. No matter how many times I said no, that I wasn't a rat, an echo rang back, "Yes."  


I went to the dead, reeking fish again and slowly devoured it.  


My hunger satistied, I started slowly walking around, trying to deal with my feelings. My mixed, confused, emotions. My anger, my misunderstanding, my repeated "Why? Why?"  


It felt awful! I tried to remember what had happened. But my mind was falling apart. I was losing it. I cried in my mind for all that had happened.   
  
  
  
  
Part Two   


It was a long, long time before I came to my senses again. For a while, I don't know if it had been days, weeks, or months, I had been a pure rat. There were always moments, terrifying moments when I would suddenly remember that moment when the cage was slammed down, a blinding light flashed into my eyes, and those sinister voices..   


But.. I slowly got over it. I couldn't understand why, but I got used to the lifestyle as a rat. I wanted out every single minute, I never gave up hope that I could get revenge.  


I got angrier, and angrier, and angrier. I was no longer scared about the fact that I was a rat. It didn't matter. I wanted pure revenge. Cold revenge. Anything to get back at the Animorphs. I wanted revenge. I would get it. No matter what. I would have it.  
  
  
  
  
Part Three   


I ran up to the edge of the platform rock, which was rock on a small cliff that stretched out to the sea. I yelled, IF YOU'RE THERE, I WANT YOU! IF YOU CAN HEAR ME, I WILL GET MY REVENGE! I WILL! I WILL! YOU'RE GOING TO BE SORRY! YOU'RE GOING TO BE SO SORRY YOU EVER DID THIS TO ME, YOU CRAPPY ANIMORPHS!  


I had done this yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that. I had been doing it for a while now. If Big Gung-ho Rachel or Leader Jake or Cynical Marco was around, in bird morphs to look on me from time to time, they'd hear me.  


And then what? They'd just leave me. I blinked.  I sobbed.   


I didn't want to live like this anymore. Scavenging.. fouraging for food every single second.. trying to handle my feelings... I couldn't take it anymore.  


They had given me a punishment, far more cruel than death. They had been hypocrites, to think that life is always better than dying.  


But I didn't want to die. I wanted to live the rest of my life, as what I truely was, a human. Suddenly, it just dawned on me. I didn't care if I had.. committed great wrong. I didn't care if I had tried to murder. I knew I had only meant to get rid of disturbances in my life, but I ruined my entire life. I just never realized that before.  


I whispered. I still hated the Animorphs. But I wanted so badly to be human, even more than I wanted revenge. The thoughts were ripping me in half, mentally. If I just forced the anger out by screaming every day, until I felt sore, empty, and hollow inside, nothing would change. I'd live for the rest of my very short life as a rat, then die as a rat. But on the other hand, if I could ever give in, maybe they'd let me use the blue box, I could use it, become human, be trapped, and leave them alone forever. Tobias had been trapped, but he could morph, so I guessed that they could use the blue box again. But, then, I couldn't do that. They wouldn't even trust me, and if I did get the ability to morph again, they would assume I'd use it against them. Then they'd kill me, and I would be trapped.  


I laughed coldly. I had to go through this every single day. About my actions. Whether I should forgive them, and they'd forgive me, or if I should continue to hate them, to plan against them, and try to get back at them, they'd kill me, because I was outnumbered. I had alreadly learned that.. And there was no way I'd make a deal with the Yeerks.  


They weren't trustable. They had taken my mother and father, and enslaved them by sticking Yeerks in their heads, and making my parents, trapped, just like I was. I was trapped in a rat. They were trapped in their own bodies. I could never trust the Yeerks. Nor the Animorphs.  


But the Animorphs were my only hope.. I realized this with disgust. I didn't want to go begging them to release me from this terror, but I did. I hated them with all my mind, but I needed them.  


I shook my rat head. A human gesture, that I'd never lose. I would be human within, even if I was a rat on the outside. But.. Again, the mixed thoughts confused me. I didn't know what to do. If I made a deal with the Yeerks, they'd get my revenge for me. But if I made a deal with the Animorphs, they'd free me. Freedom. I wanted that more than anything else in the world. Then I wanted my mom and dad back. I started crying in my heart.  I cried.  


I turned around, depressed, not for the first time, when a world-filling voice surrounded me, filled me, filled my heart with terror.  
  


DAVID.   


The voice seemed to spit evil. It sounded evil, it was evil. I shuddered. Then I stopped.  
  


Who's there?! I demanded harshly, spinning around.  
  


YOU ARE DAVID, YET, NOT DAVID, the evil sound taunted. A RAT. WHICH ONE?  
  


WHO ARE YOU? I screamed, suddenly being bold. I was either losing my mind or something bad was happening here.  
  


I COULD USE YOU. YOU HAVE.. THE MEANS.. OF GETTING RID OF SOMETHING WE SHARE IN COMMON..  
  


I stopped screaming. I was interested. Yeah? Not so scary now.  
  


THE ANIMORPHS. THE THORN IN BOTH OF OUR SIDES.  
  


I gasped. The voice..whoever it was.. whatever it was.. knew about the Animorphs. And it hated them.  
  


I AM NOT JUST A VOICE. I AM CRAYAK.  
  


I blinked, and stamped my foot. "So? That doesn't matter to me," I said. "I-" I stopped. I felt my throat, and looked at my human hands. Human hands. I gasped, and tried to get my voice back. I almost reeled over from the complete shock of.. being human.. so suddenly.. again.. after such a long time. It wasn't possible.. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe I was human. It wasn't real... It was real... I was human. I said some curse words, then I stopped. "You did this?" I asked, awed and dazed.  
  


NOT ONLY, BUT I HAVE GIVEN YOU BACK YOUR MORPHING POWERS. IN REPAYMENT, YOU BRING THE ANIMORPHS TO ME. ESPECIALLY JAKE.  
  


I laughed, stopped laughing, and started to cry. I was human, again. I had my morphing powers back. "Yeah. Sure. I'll do that. You can count on it, whoever you are. Your deal's acceptable."   


There was no more reply, and I desperately began to hope this was not simply another dream, at least a good one. I rammed my fist into a tree, and recoiled from the pain. "This is no dream," I said, grinning. I rubbed my hand into my human hair, and sighed. Human.  


I ran back onto the platform rock, which now seemed tiny to me, but for the fact that I was about 30 or 40 times as big as I was 5 minutes ago. "I'm human!!!!!!"  


"I'm back," I said to the ocean, the world. "This time, I... I..." I didn't finish my sentence. I still couldn't quite believe that I was human. Myself. Again. Myself.   
  
  
  
  


Part Four   


Up, up, into the sky I went. Higher, and higher, I went, floating on my golden wings. I laughed out loud in thoughtspeak. It was unreal, like a dream. Just like a dream. I just floated higher, and higher, my mind off everything, except the unreality and peacefulness of it. I was lazily drifting over the low, fluffy, cumulus clouds, looking down at the land. I had finally escaped the ocean. Right there, above all of that, I swore I would never return to that island, or the ocean.  


Questions wandered through my mind. I had the ability to fly again. I decided I really didn't want to fight the Animorphs again. Just leave them.. forget about them. It'd be pointless to try. With my powerful eagle eyes, my astoundingly powerful eyes that I thought I had lost, I could see every single detail on the ground. On the land. Homes, people, even people's watch dials were readable. I ran into a thermal and I soared even higher to the top of the blue dome of the sky.... Just turn on everything.. was the simplest resolution...   


But I could never be David again. Never again.. I was finished being David. That would be my price. I didn't care about the Crayak who had so-called rescued me. My anger towards the Animorphs was immature. I was younger than them.. But I had more sense now. Just leave them alone. I turned in the sky, the sunlight flashing off my feathers.... That was it. Just forget about it all. I'd probably resent them for my whole life, but there wasn't anything I could do about it. I didn't want to run into them. My lust for revenge had melted away. I had been so immature.. I just couldn't believe it. At least, now, I had escaped my fate of being trapped as a rat..   


Forget about it, Crayak. I'm giving up the deal, I cried out. Don't try to bother me again. 

I twisted in the air and plunged, then swooped up again. The exhilitary of it all thrilled me. I was still confused about the matter with the Crayak.. who had turned me human again. He.. It.. Had made me feel like I owed him something.. But I didn't. No. But in the end, I didn't really want to be human anymore. I was miserable as a human. I was finished being a human. Humanity just wasn't for me. It wasn't.. I wanted to forget everything. My life as a human was gone. I couldn't ever get it back.. If I even wanted to...  


No. I had to start over.. Just start over.. try to forget all of the terrible things..  


From now on.. I'd be a golden eagle.. I was golden eagle.. Free on my wings.. Free from everything.  
  
  
  
  


Later that night, when I was sleeping in a dead tree, I dreamed. But, it wasn't a normal dream. As soon as I closed my eyes, everything changed. I, as my human self, was in complete darkness. And a chill ran throughout me.  
  


YOU SHALL PAY.  
  


I woke up with a start, and looked around wildly. And still, the echos of Crayak's words rang through my mind.   
  
_End_


End file.
